BadFun

We are part of a social system that, for the most part, doesn’t really like change. Take for instance, our government. To date, we still refuse to elect either a woman or person of color into our highest, most sought after, and most revered position in the American government – and for those who are scratching their heads I am talking about the office of the President of the United States.

Therefore, when change does occur, either abruptly or gradually, for the most part we don’t understand the change which means we won’t accept it. That which we do not understand, we are frightened by. So, a change in someone close is hard to swallow and we often demean it by viciously yelling, “You’ve changed and I don’t like it”.

I have experienced this recently. A year full of drama (and drama I never want to go through again) left a substantial impact on my life. I realized that I had to change for me and my change wasn’t bad now that I have been able to smooth out the rough edges. And oh boy did I hear often that the change wasn’t me and that so and so didn’t like it. What those screaming didn’t understand is that the change wasn’t to hurt them – it wasn’t even about them, but it was something I had to do.

I became a softer, kinder, more patient and slightly more tolerant person. How that can be construed as bad when I was nothing more then a pessimistic witch on a 600hp broom is something I still don’t understand. However, in taking a step back I realized I wasn’t really being attacked for my change but rather the other person(s) weren’t sure how to accept it because I had been one way for such a long time. The puzzle pieces no longer fit and they were frightened. By attacking, there was hope of reverting back to who I was which, for all purposes, was familiar territory. I get that. Now, this isn’t to say that I am still not that witch on a broom from time to time – I’m still tough (possibly even tougher than before because of the various experiences which occurred), I still stand my ground (and sometimes I’m still wrong regardless of me thinking I’m right), I am definitely more cautious then I was before, my eyes are opened wider than ever before BUT….. I am more caring then before and since things are turning around, I am more goal-oriented then I ever was before (including my college years).

To better help others adjust to your change make sure you pay attention to what they are saying. Understanding that they are frightened because they may lose you will go along way in helping you explain that you want them in your life and a part of your change. Sit and listen openly to what the other party has to say.

Once you have heard the other person’s reasoning’s on why they don’t “agree” with your change, sit back and evaluate what has caused you to change, why you felt the need to and whether or not the change is temporary or permanent. When you have come to a resolute conclusion to the aforementioned answers, then go back to that person and explain openly and rationally as to why the change occurred and remind them that you want them a part of your life regardless.

If dogs can love unconditionally, so can people and once those who want you to revert back to who you once were understand and accept that you love them no matter what, they will then accept you for who you are. In addition, you will be surprised at how many more people may enter your life with your new change in attitude. Don’t throw in the towel until the fight has truly come to an end.